My son, Russ, was really struggling when he was in first grade. Day after day, he came home with notes from the school about his poor behavior. As the newly appointed assistant principal in charge of discipline at another school in the same district, I was embarrassed that my own child couldn’t seem to behave at school. Each afternoon, Russ would step off the bus and hand me the teacher’s note for me to sign.
I became increasingly frustrated reading about his bad behavior in class. In order to try to set him straight, I imposed strict and unpleasant punishments. I slowly took away each and every thing he enjoyed, thinking this approach would work, but the notes didn’t stop. One time, when Russ didn’t bring a note home, I was excited, thinking things were finally improving. But the very next day, I received a call from his teacher. Russ had tried to forge my signature on the note. My handwriting may not be perfect, but even an amateur could see it wasn’t mine. I still have that note as a reminder of that moment.
Frustrated, my wife and I requested a meeting with his teacher and the school officials. We talked about testing Russ for ADHD and possibly placing him on a 504 plan. His teacher, who was fantastic, assured us that while his behavior was occasionally challenging, it was never disrespectful. His grades were average, and she believed he would pass the year. Despite her reassurances, I insisted on testing. Thanks to my position and connections, the process was expedited. [I’d leave this out. Not really needed for the story and might rub people the wrong way. I know this ends up being part of your point later, but I don’t think it really needs to be said here.] I’ll never forget the moment when the doctor, after observing Russ, said he was quite certain our son had ADHD, though more tests would be needed. His diagnosis was eventually confirmed, and we were given medication to try.
The transformation was almost immediate. His behavior turned around, his grades improved, and his teachers stopped sending home notes. More than that, our home life became less stressful, as the tension around his school behavior had been wearing on all of us. The school staff later admitted they had mishandled the situation, but no apology was necessary. We all had Russ’s best interests at heart. However, I often wonder if the outcome would have been the same had I not been a school administrator.
A few years later, I was promoted, then moved to a different district. Russ continued to excel in school, but his medication led to significant weight loss. By fourth grade, he was very shy, skinny, and frail. While he was now a B student and his behavior in class was not problematic, he hardly spoke to anyone and had no friends.
We met with his teachers, who acknowledged his academic success and good behavior but were concerned about his shyness. My wife and I raised the possibility of holding him back a grade, hoping it might help him socially. This suggestion was met with resistance by his teachers. Some even accused me of wanting to hold him back so he would have a developmental advantage in sports. When I asked why we couldn’t try it if things weren’t working for him, no one had a clear answer.
In my new role as Assistant Superintendent, I didn’t need anyone’s permission to make this decision. I decided that if it didn’t work, we could always move him back. At the end of the year, we held him back, and the next school year was a revelation. Russ became a straight A student, stayed out of trouble, and completely came out of his shell. For the next seven years, he thrived academically and socially. Russ eventually earned a five-year basketball scholarship to Georgetown College and graduated with a Pre-Med degree. I was so proud of my son for his accomplishments. Even though I’ve had a lot of success in my professional life and have a lot of self-confidence, I know I could never play college basketball and graduate Pre-Med.
Though Russ decided not to pursue a career as a doctor, he now runs a successful technology company. His talent for technology was evident early on—he sold his kiosk designs to Disney and other major companies. Russ still takes his ADHD medication and attributes much of his success to what he calls his "ADHD superpowers."
It’s vital that students with ADHD are encouraged to pursue careers where they can harness their strengths. Fortunately, Russ had a high school teacher who recognized his aptitude for technology and nurtured that passion. ADHD kids often gravitate toward fields like the technology industry, and Russ was no different. As his father, I recognized Russ’s interest in technology and fostered it any way I could, which included letting him help me set up A/V equipment for my major presentations and giving him the latest tech products to encourage him explore his interests further.
I’ve often reflected on what might have happened if we had simply allowed the schools to make all the decisions for Russ. What if we had bowed to pressure from friends, family, and school officials who doubted our choices? What about the parents who don’t have the influence to advocate for their child’s needs? What about children whose parents don’t care?
In my thirty-two years in education, I’ve learned that when schools and parents collaborate, they can almost always find the right path for a child. It’s not always easy—sometimes we agree, sometimes we don’t—but we must always act in the best interest of the child. And sometimes, parents need to push back when schools get it wrong. Schools need the support of parents and communities, but that doesn’t mean they’re infallible.
A few parent tips if you think your child might have ADHD
· Find a teacher who understands ADHD
· Talk with your child’s teacher
· Talk with the school guidance counselor
· Request a 504 plan if your child is struggling
· Consider having our child tested
· Help your child consider school projects that allow the child to use his or her superpowers.
· Help and guide your child into career paths where superpowers can be utilized.
· Try to get your child interested in activities like sports or theater where they can use their high energy and creativity
· Advocate for physical education and recess for your child at school and protest if these activities are ever taken away from your child.
· Know all the effects of ADHD medication and adjust as needed.
· Constantly remind your child about their ADHD about their superpowers.
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